Do you cringe at the sound of your Valentine’s voice? Does the thought of spending one more single second in the same house together at the same time make you occasionally wonder whether or not you could pull off faking your own death? Have you started to finish each other’s sentences by simply not starting them in the first place?
If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, then you could probably use a few ideas when it comes to expressing your love this holiday season for that certain someone you’ve been on lockdown with every single minute of every godforsaken day since March. Read on for a few great ideas and don’t be scared to put your own spin on them. After all, there are no rules when it comes to love.
- Start the day off by making your Valentine breakfast in bed. Spell out, “I’m sorry I’m sick of you,” with chocolate chips in his/her heart-shaped pancakes. Look into each other’s eyes and silently nod in agreement. Bring two forks.
- Consider writing a love letter. When it quickly morphs into a list of grievances, remember that you can be a huge pain in the ass to live with too. Be sure to acknowledge this in a postscript at the end in Modern Love Grunge font.
- Start a sarcasm jar. Agree to put a dollar in it each time you mutter a sarcastic response directed at one another. Go ahead and order that new living room furniture you’ve been arguing about for the past four months and throw in two of those unreasonably priced, nonrefundable floor lamps to boot!
- Turn the heat waaaaaay up, squeeze into your swimsuit that fit prepandemic, and sing “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’” at the top of your lungs while your sweetie pie is on yet another very important zoom call in the dining room that has no doors to close and is quite literally the epicenter of your home. Really belt it out.
- Maybe try not wearing sweatpants. Lol, just kidding, it’s not Christmas.
- When your special Valentine is in the shower, write, “I flushed,” on the bathroom mirror. Put a heart around it and be sure to turn the fan off before leaving the room so it doesn’t fade away before its exciting discovery.
- Nothing says, “I love you with all my heart,” like restocking the beer fridge!
- Take turns trying to guess something you crazy kids don’t know about each other yet. When absolutely nothing comes to mind, play Scrabble.
- Open a bottle of wine and spend 45 minutes trying to agree on a new Netflix series to start before deciding to lay in bed together while watching separate shows on your separate personal devices (with earbuds connected of course because you’re not assholes). Hold hands.
- Choreograph a sexy ribbon dance to, “My Funny Valentine,” for your partner’s eyes only. Do not break character. The story you tell your friends afterwards absolutely depends on it. Secretly videotape his/her reaction (definitely not the actual performance).
- Find a corner of the house you’re both not so sick of it makes you want to puke. Emotionally embrace as you simultaneously discover in the way back of the basement storage room that no such place exists.
- Spice things up a bit and leave, all by yourself. Don’t overthink it. Just go somewhere for a little while. Get some milk while you’re out.
- Did someone say, “coupon book?” I mean, who doesn’t want ten free hugs during a pandemic from the only adult you’ve been allowed to be within six feet of since March?
Jill Veldhouse 