She wants to “walk around downtown.” What the hell does that even mean these days? It’s probably some middle school code language for something not good, or even bad. How would I know, I’m 41 (i.e. not cool anymore). I barely even remember middle school let alone the exact methods I used to snow my parents into thinking I was actually just going to “walk around downtown.” Regardless, there was no getting away with much of anything in the town I grew up in. It had 3 streets. And 2 cops. My friends and I literally had to walk past my own house at least five times during the walk just to make it not seem weird and/or suspicious to the locals that we were walking up and down one street all night long. Not to mention the fact that my parent’s business was on the corner of main street, right by where the stop light would be if the town ever decided to put one in. Walking around downtown during business hours meant literally waving to my Mom and Dad through the giant glass windows that faced main street as they greeted and then served their valued and loyal customer who two minutes before I walked past the window had already told my parents, “I just saw Jill walking around downtown.”
To make matters worse, her genes sadly work against her in this department. Her dad was a little shit when he was a kid. Damn him. And damn karma.
“All my friends get to do it Mom.”
Well that’s just great. They clearly have horrible parents, or no parents at all, or really stupid parents. I am not stupid and this ain’t my first rodeo. She doesn’t know what I know. If she did, she would understand my reservation to let her do anything outside the boundaries of our home without parental supervision from now until the end of time. I’ve been schooled before by the universe’s random acts of unkindness bullshit. Really shitty things can happen to really undeserving people through zero fault of their own and that’s all I’m going to say about that. I am on to the universe and it’s shenanigans. My kids are off limits. I got my dukes up, eyes in the back of my head, and a delusional sense of control that you can pry from my dead hands someday. I actually dare you.
My children should be grateful to have such a caring and loving mother, not annoyed that I probably just saved their life by saying no to each and every request that may or may not pose danger. Damn the universe and damn trustworthy and responsible children around the world that give their parents absolutely no reason to say no to an age appropriate request.
She’s going to “walk around downtown” today after school with her friends.
And I am going to spy on her.