On behalf of civilization, it’s been a surreal pleasure getting to know you over the past few months. Some of us likely didn’t even comprehend your precise definition prior to the start of this shit show, but that’s obviously all in the past now. Your ability to repeatedly inject yourself into every single form of communication (written, spoken, imagined) known to humankind on a daily basis since last March is certainly commendable. Even people who say, “supposably,” are correctly using you in context these days. Well done, truly. Here’s where we part ways.
By definition you refer to “something never before known or experienced,” so initially you made sense. It’s been over eight months now so one might argue that you no longer apply to everything shitty going on around us at all times. To be fully transparent, I am arguing that now. The new normal is now old news and quite mind numbingly familiar. In addition, you’ve dramatically lost your appeal as you’ve literally beat a dead horse beyond the point of death at least two million times over now with your pompous and excessive rate of recurrence alone. You have over thirty obvious synonyms, and we haven’t heard from any of them! Get my drift? We’re sick of you. Kindly fuck off before we all start jabbing pointy things into our eyeballs in a desperate attempt to distract ourselves from having to witness and/or read yet another UNPRECEDENTED headline.
Please don’t take this the wrong way. While the phrase, “It’s not you, it’s me,” definitely doesn’t apply here (it’s definitely you), you’ve become familiar now and pending doom or not, familiarity feels nice. However, unprecedented times call for unprecedented (i.e. unique, novel) words and phrases and yes, I hate myself for writing this sentence, but the take home message is that I hate you more. No offense.
Look, you have merit and in 150 years or so if we’re still a functioning species (spoiler alert…we won’t be), feel free to reemerge and claim your rightful spot in an occasional sentence or two just like the good old days. As it stands, society simply cannot stomach you in every other goddamn sentence during every single waking moment of our current and seemingly endless crisis ridden lives. We get it, jackwagon. Life sucks. This is not new news. That said, your ability to continually insert yourself into all media and print material and/or roll off the tongue of almost every single living person who is able to form an educated thought as I type this very sentence is unparalleled, extraordinary, and truly without precedent. See what I did there? THERE ARE OTHER WORDS!!!
Best,
Jill
Jill Veldhouse 