Seriously. Lighten up!

I don’t even know where to start, or if I even should. The fact is, if I start, I don’t know where to go with it or how to conclude.

But I think I’m gonna give it a go…just for fun.

I consider myself extremely lucky to be in the Mom’s Club. Not an organized group that meets weekly to discuss childproof locks and the latest safety recalls from Toy “R” Us, but the real Mom’s Club (i.e. anyone who has ever been a real mom.). I might be living in a fantasy land, but in my world, ALL MOMS UNITE! We should have a bond that is unbreakable and forever lasting. No one else in the world knows the sweat, blood, tears, worry, sleepless nights, and just all around “I am incapable of this job, put me out of my misery right now because I am sure to fuck it up” type of mindset that a real mom struggles with every single day of her life. We are a club, right? We should support each other in good times and in bad and at the very least have a sense of humor about it to get us through those less than perfect days.

There should be an oath. A “Declaration of Codependence” that every mom is required to sign upon entry into motherhood. A document that is binding and guarantees that we are all together in this crazy, seemingly impossible, yet very fulfilling journey. Who wants to join me in my circle for a quick round of Kumbaya? (Shit. I went too far again, didn’t I?)

I digress.

I am a mom. I love my children. I would take a bullet for them in less than a heartbeat. I worry about them every single waking moment of my life. When I am not awake, I dream about them and/or have nightmares that they are not safe, not happy, or wish that they had a different mom. A more “perfect” mom. A mom who liked to do crafts, who didn’t yell so much, who let her kids eat more Doritos, and who didn’t need to start a blog to vent her frustrations about simply being a mom.

I am a very sarcastic person. I like to write. Sometimes my writing style and sick wit may be a little (or a lot) offensive, but I am who I am and I make no apologies for it. I’m a realist. I don’t expect everyone to like my writing style and/or what I choose to write about. What I do expect is some level of respect and human decency when proclaiming to the world that you don’t like what I have to say and/or how I said it. It simply undermines the perceived intelligence of the critic when they choose to draw ridiculous conclusions and attack a person’s integrity based on a perfect stranger’s personal account of parenthood that was clearly written with a sarcastic undertone. More frankly stated, it makes them look like an idiot. Do you think someone should tell them??? I’m pretty sure that this is not their intended “take home message.”

I follow other mommy bloggers/writers who deal with the same “Simpleton says I suck as a parent” crap. I am quite certain that these women are really good moms, but like me, just need an outlet on occasion to deal with the daily bullshit. We put it out there in hopes of not being raked under the coals and chastised, but to rather get a quick fist pump from someone who relates, understands, and more importantly cares.

The fact that some people (puke) feel sorry for us and our children who, in their very thoughtful words, “we clearly should not have had,” is not only humorous, but motivating. Personally, these accusations only make me want to push the envelope a little bit further next time. Why? Because people who have such a concrete and literal interpretation of everything and have absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever are simply an easy target, and if nothing else, just really fun to screw with.

For every 100 fist pumps that I get when I publish a blog post, there are at least 3 people that feel the need to judge me and just plain and simply be a dick. I don’t get it. I know that they are not perfect. I know that no matter how uptight they seem to be that deep down they “get it.” Yet for some reason they feel the need to very rudely suggest that they are better than me because I have the hypothetical balls to say what they are too chicken shit to say.

I am beyond perplexed at this point. For those people out there who are so quick to judge, I can’t help but wonder, why do they waste countless hours of time visiting websites that are very clearly targeted to mothers who do not have a stick up their ass? Certainly, they are above this. Or maybe, just maybe, they are one of us but just too cowardly and/or scared to admit it.

This is my “take home message.”

I love my children. My children know I love them. My children will someday read my blog and “God willing” see the humor in it. If I end up raising a bunch of kids who take life too seriously, let the opinion of others negatively influence their self worth, and are unable to take a step back and laugh at themselves from time to time (even in the most trying of circumstances), then I will have failed as a mother.

Here’s some sound advice. If you don’t want to read shit from normal mothers who have a sense of humor and just need a sounding board from time to time, maybe you should try visiting, commenting, and/or (GASP!) writing your own blog post for a website called “Unscary Mommy” or “Perfect Mommy” or “Please Remove the Corncob From My Ass Mommy.” You clearly have all the answers and could certainly enlighten us less than perfect mothers with some sound parenting advice. Just a suggestion.

Real moms unite! (Or something a bit less obnoxious.)

Be afraid. I’m pretty sure we outnumber the rest of you by millions.

P.S. To the person who suggested that I stop bitching about my kids and take them to the library, you will be happy to know that I did just that. I drove to the library…you know, just to see if I could find it. The woman at the front desk greeted me by my first name and asked me if I forgot something from yesterday.

“Nope, just checking. See you tomorrow.”

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8 responses to “Seriously. Lighten up!

  1. I know first hand how much you love your kiddos!! I also appreciate your sarcasm, something I am great at as well!! That’s why we get along so well!! Love you!

  2. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. This post made me feel to speak up and let you know I’m fist pumping with you! I love your humor and relate to a lot of what you write. Keep it up!

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