Dear Troll, I hate you.

If you are easily offended and/or overly sensitive and/or do not appreciate swear words frequently used as adjectives, please stop reading now.

Something happened to me yesterday that gave me a huge confidence boost as a rookie wannabe writer. A “real” author told me that she liked my crap. Not only that, but she liked it so much that she wanted to publish it on her ridiculously successful website. The woman is crazy talented. I was completely humbled, and very excited. In less than 24 hours, my crap was headlining her website. People read it…lots of people…people that I don’t know. I skipped around the house as if I had just won the lottery. Why? Because up until now, the only people who have told me that they think I have a talent for writing are my close family and friends. These are the people that follow my blog, and I love each and every one of them! They have encouraged me to keep writing and showered me with praise each time I publish a new entry on my ridiculous and very elementary blog.

This is where the story takes a dark turn. I woke up this morning and read the comments that were written about my crap on this ridiculously successful website. All of them were very positive, with the exception of one. Some jackass decides to take the 4 or 5 paragraphs that I wrote and use it to attack my integrity. Hey Jackass, guess what? You are a fucking Jackass. I take your comments about me failing as a mother very personally. The fact that you took what I wrote literally and used it to not only judge me as a parent, but suggest that because of it my children will turn out to be in your words, “the next generation of entitlement posers,” disgusts me. You accused me of neglecting my children by sitting behind my “iPad keyboard” to achieve some sort of personal goal. First of all, I sit behind a laptop dickhead…after all three of my children are in bed. Second of all, why are you reading material on a website that was specifically created for really good mothers who might just want/need to get shit off their chests from time to time? Clearly you are above this. Maybe you should consider spending more time with your perfect children and less time commenting on an entry that was published on a website entitled “Scary Mommy.” Seriously, you are a hypocrite and I hate you.

I’m not living in a dream world. I know and fully expect that some people will not approve and/or appreciate my writing style or what I choose to write about. That said, I was not prepared to handle what this jackass said to not only me, but to the hundreds of thousands of people that visit that website. Maybe I should end every sentence with a “wink wink” or a “j/k” so that asshats like you understand that I don’t really hate my children. Maybe I should go on and on before I go on a bitching spree about the fact that I read my middle child 33 library books today, or spent 2 hours building my son a make shift car wash for his matchbox cars using only duct tape and construction paper, or invited my oldest daughter to join me in the kitchen to make dinner…which means that the process will take 3 times as long.

Maybe I should just continue to write for my Facebook friends and blog followers who actually like what I have to say and won’t judge me and/or make ridiculous generalizations about my character based on a sentence that I wrote. Or maybe I should continue to jump outside of my comfort zone from time to time, thereby giving a big “FUCK YOU” to all of the people in the world (like you dickhead) that think they are awesome and simply live life to make others feel less so. Clearly, I need to get my big girl pants on. Game on asshole!

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4 responses to “Dear Troll, I hate you.

  1. I was so mad when I read his comment, Jill! A big, “oh NO you di-nt!” came out of my mouth! I immediately wanted to verbally tear him apart, but I didn’t want to scare scarymommy that your followers are a bit scarier than anticipated.

  2. Hi Jill. Just thought I’d drop a little note to let you know that I recently read your post via Scary Mommy…I clicked the link at the bottom that brought me to your blog and just read a few of your recent posts. I had to comment on this to let you know that for every troll out there, there are probably 100 of me…people who love your sense of humor and wit and appreciate your ability to be real. I have four small kids (ages 6, 5, 3, and 8 months), and I have always tried to be real, too. It’s funny and it feels good to be sarcastic with bits of truth sprinkled in (no one has to know that, honestly, for about 30 seconds, I really DID think I might throw the toddler out the window after she decided to wipe her own butt and then smeared her poopy hands all over the toilet seat, sink and hand towel in the bathroom before I made The Discovery…) In my *most humble* opinion, it takes a confident person to be real like you are—you don’t need validation like all those who post pictures on FB of the “delicious, home-grown meal made from scratch–complete with a sprinkle of sunshine and rainbows–for my kids (who eat only vegetables and don’t ever, EVER eat processed food or treats)”. Anyhooo…I will continue to seek sanity by following your blog in my moments of *free time* b/c I like your style. Wait, free time?!? Hahahaha. What I meant to say is…when I feel like I’m going to lose it, I will lock myself in the bathroom (with the baby, most likely, so no one gouges out her eyes or steps on her face) and will read snippets from your blog on my cell phone. Go ahead, trolls. Judge this.

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