Game on

“Learn something new every day.”  This is something I say to my children on a regular basis.  I also try really hard to practice what I preach, because otherwise I would just be a hypocrite wearing sweat pants.  

Here’s what I learned today…apparently I am not the only “stay at home mom” out there who has a blog.  Following some advice I received to, “Get on Twitter Jill,” I did just that.  Do you know what I learned?  I mean after I actually figured out how to sign up?  I discovered that there are hundreds of thousands of “stay at home moms” who have a talent for writing.  Like me, these women have developed their own blog.  Unlike me, they are widely known on Twitter, have thousands of followers (I have 7), and have even written a few books (real ones with pages and everything).  Apparently we have our own call sign too…”SAHM.”  Why does this annoy me?  I should be eager to explore this whole new community of peers out there and excited at the prospect of maybe developing some real connections and/or friendships along the way (insert “bitching resting face” here). 

I learned something else today too.  My blog sucks.  Bad.  These women have blogs that are legit.  They have actual pictures, several links to other shit they or others like them have written, web lists (no idea what these are), and more importantly…sponsors.  You know, people with money who think that their shit is good because other people think that their shit is good.  They own their own blogs too.  They didn’t subscribe to some free website that just happened to be the first one that came up when they googled “how to start a blog.” 

Here’s the unfortunate and really sucky part from my perspective…I can hold my own with these women when it comes to bitchy sarcastic writing.  I think I might even be better than some of them at being a sarcastic bitch.  Unfortunately this is where my dream ends.  Why?  Because I am a f&*king idiot when it comes to technology.  I have been on Twitter for about a week now and I hate it.  What is it anyway?  I can’t even say “tweet” out loud without sounding and feeling like a complete ignoramus.  And don’t even get me started on all of its “functions.”  Why aren’t they confusing to anyone else?  By the time I figure it out, it will be like Facebook.  Old news…and slightly obnoxious.    

I went to Barnes and Noble the other day with my 2 year old son (He likes to play with the train set there.).  I made him walk around the entire store with me (I wasn’t about to ask for help), while I frantically searched for a very specific book.  In stealth mode, I grabbed “Twitter for Dummies” and “Blogging for Dummies,” hid them under my jacket and made my way to the train table.  There I sat.  Reading gibberish and secretly taking pictures of certain pages with my phone for later reference.  I’ll be damned if I’m going to buy a book that is specifically marketed to “dummies” (I have a master’s degree for Christ’s sake!). 

You want to know what really takes the wind out of my sails?  I skimmed through 2 books that were written for idiots…and I still don’t get it.  Not even a little bit.  Seriously…is there a prequel to these books, and if so, where would I find one?  The clown store?

Despite our obvious differences, it occurred to me that Mr.Twitter and I actually have something in common.  We are both dum (I know I spelled it wrong.). Hey Jerkhead, I love the bird icon, but think it might be time for an update to “stay fresh.” I have a very specific bird in mind. Let me know if you’re interested. Although I am pretty busy these days, I could certainly find some time to be your official hand model. Call me.

#ihateyoutwitter #itsnotyouitsme

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One response to “Game on

  1. Not only do I not understand twitter, I have no desire to learn how to use it. What in the hell are the hashtags for anyway?! I FINALLY a smart phone last week, and I still haven’t figured out what to do with it. Seriously, it took me 3 days to figure put how to answer a phone call! So don’t feel bad…..I’m a waaaay bigger technology idiot! I love your blog!

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