Karma

My 8 year old daughter got bullied on the bus once. Emotionally, I think she handled it better than me. It broke my heart…and really pissed me off. She is the most sensitive, kind, and thoughtful 8 year old child on the planet. For reasons I have yet to understand and have been unable to fix, she has zero confidence. This worries me on a daily basis. I have spent hours of my life being her counselor, of which I have no experience or credentials. I find it ironic that I am playing the psychologist when in fact I clearly need one of my own. I find myself trying to boost her confidence by reciting something I imagine might be published in a parenting manual. It is exhausting and I am truly torn. I have an internal debate with myself every day over what I know I “should” say to her and what I really “want” to say.

Here’s what I really “want” to say. Kids are mean. Really f&*king mean. Especially girls. I want to tell her that when I was her age, I was one of the “cool kids on the block” and probably wasn’t overly nice to some of my peers. I use the word “probably” to make myself feel better. I was a little bitch. I had an attitude problem. I wouldn’t consider myself a bully, but I certainly could’ve/should’ve been nicer to others. I want to tell her that she is the type of person that, as an adult looking back, I wish I would’ve been. I can’t/won’t tell her this though. Call me egocentric, but I am not about to throw myself under the bus to make some sort of a point. She idolizes me. For now, I am perfectly content with the false perception she has of me as a saint and will quite honestly do anything humanly possible to preserve it.

Here’s what else I “want” to do. I want to approach these girls when their mothers are present and then use all means necessary to make them feel really f#@king bad about making my daughter feel really bad. I “want” to tell my daughter to give these girls a taste of their own medicine, or better yet, forcefully poke them both in the eyes and run away laughing. But I can’t say that. Can I?

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